Today is Father’s Day and I can’t imagine the fortune of having this man in my house to celebrate. Of my husband, what I have always said, “There isn’t a man on earth who could ever get me away”. Perhaps at my age now, the tension of this statement has lost some meaning, but it remains true today after 18 years together and 13 years of marriage. Perhaps the updated statement should say, “There isn’t anything on earth that could get me away”. Because aren’t there plenty of things, much more significant than some Sancho sniffing at your door. The threat in this season would be my own selfishness and self centeredness. Let it not be so that these ever win.
To my Husband,
You have been my closest friend in my deepest struggles and tallest victories. When we met I was an aged child who thought for certain the tough times were behind me and only the business of growing up and showing up lay before us. Who would have ever been able to convince me, that these very things would be more difficult and greivous than any of the more obvious difficulties that went before. Talk about a life with your eyes wide open. Wow! What we have been able to encounter, sometimes together, sometimes apart, and to have somehow found ourselves holding hands and looking back at the trail together is an absolute gift of Grace. Had I known how trecherous and painful growing up would be, I may have tried to do it BEFORE I got married and had kids, yet I would have had to have done things very differently in my youth, when choices were mine for the making. Were I to have understood after only just a few bad choices, those choices would cease to be mine to make for another decade and so much drifting water to change the course for the worst.
Yet here we are together. How could it be? I look at you and am filled with awe at the “power of two” and the blessing of God who has put our feet on the same ground with eyes pointed finally toward as close to a shared objective as we have ever had in all these years. I am nearly mystifed at how it could be, without our battling and groping and making of what must be our way. How could it be that we have simply been given such a wonderful chance to share this life together and with our incredible kids. I always thought when we got “out of the way” of God’s plan for us, it would be some sort of conscious decision. Nope. Let us hope He doesn’t start needing our help in keeping us here, because I don’t know how we got here in the first place. I do know how to appreciate it, how to tend to what we’ve been given, how to notice when grace has been given.
I cannot imagine doing family life with anyone else. Over the years I have been privvy to the quiet moments of determination, courage, and growth in you as a man, a husband, a father. I see you stepping away from some old and worn systems you have always used to conquer or overcome and I have seen a fresh courage and a new nobility that are quickly becoming the forerunners of your character. My admiration for you and the love you have for our children and me and even my family, is beyond anything I thought I would know in this life. I am always so prepared to muster my strength and get by with what I’ve been given, yet how could I have prepared myself to be given more than I would have ever wished or known what to do with. My heart was pounded on the anvil of lack and loss and grit, yet how nearly absurd is the goodness I find it is filled with daily. May I never forget the real riches in this life, may I never lose the preciousness of the things eternal and shared and lasting.
I am so grateful for you, for our life together, for the father my children have, for the view of a man they will form in your shadow and love, for the betterment of the world within your arm’s reach, for the example you give me every day of what it looks like to simply keep going, despite the controversy, despite the critical eyes, despite poor opinions. You are such an admirable man and I fail, yet long to be your perfect match and your blessing. I pray that I may find what good things God may have for you that perhaps He has placed in me. May I be inpired by your courage and nobility to bring forth my own new day of offerings back to you, to our children, to the world within my arm’s reach. Thank you for loving me and for staying no matter what. Thank you for never giving up on striving to go forward with our limited and clouded view. Thank you for having the hope for our whole family, that all of it is worth it and it is good.
Happy Father’s Day
Your loving and difficult wife,