Smashed back together

I have been wandering for so many months now, wondering if there is a reason, leaving behind all familiar faces and regular comfort. Then the seams start to split and my spirit sags and I recognize there is no one running alongside to lift me up. This happens if you leave a community. The wonderful gift in this is, its just me and Him. I am beginning to feel the strength in my legs again and no one is holding me up, no one is encouraging me to keep going – just Him and my legs. And I’m grateful, because now I feel stronger in Him and much less dependent on you, on myself. The table has been flipped. All the trinkets lay smashed on the ground – and the deals have been called off. I recognize the strength of the Lord in my life, the family He has allowed me to be born into – wonderful, beauitful heathens and saints. I am finding my way and it is painful and wonderful and I have a tiny handful of light. The bravest thing I can do is to dismiss my own ideas about where I’m heading and remember that no one owes me anything. Nothing. It’s funny, I had always thought the spiritual paths brings you closer to one another, but at least for now, it seems it is the exact opposite. But I suppose, in that last breath, no one is going to take that with me either, so probably better to adjust while I still have so much time to practice.

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