I am going to get a biography of James Madison – hopefully by David McCullough or someone comparable to begin to get some sort of baseline for where my thoughts have gone through this election cycle. I plan on reading many more things, but he is a big player and also would give me background information about the Federalist Papers. From there I plan to keep reading at breadth because my most frustrating sense through this whole political scene has been my own shallow understanding of much of our nation’s history and discourse. I am tired of trying to form a view from the completely skewed views of others who claim to be experts, but honestly I only hear brash arrogant bluffing at true intelligent commentary. I need to know for myself.
So yes, this means I am THAT person. That dumb ignorant American that has no idea about the very basic facts of our nation or our political life. I am a heart girl. I have been wired for other things. I care, but have always recognizd my ignorance leaves me less useful in this part of our world dialogue. I still have quite a stretch to claim any passion about these things, but I do feel a civic responsibility to not die without ever really knowing even the minimum of an informed citizen. To say with a pure and authentic voice that I am grateful for Veterans for instance, yet not really truly understand the very battle lines they lay down their lives for. I have emotion and gratitude and logical appreciation, but I am really more ignorant than I can withstand at this point in my life.
I have never identified with any party that exists. I am not republican. I am not democrat. I am not unilaterally conservative or liberal. I guess the biggest deterrant of any of these parties has always been the people in them, spouting their beliefs. I have these same issues with my church life – some of my brethren make it very difficult to be a church girl – and I don’t mean the building or my local church , but maybe a big C in Church is more fitting. His Church. His body. So that is why I read the Bible every single day. I do my own study. I come to my own conclusions, not out of what people say it is supposed to be, but out of my own experience within my relationship with Him. I figure these issues that Christians get all in an uproar about, where they pound a Bible at eachother or at the secular world – well, I know in my heart that is just not right. Not for me anyway. Particularly when Law is used as a sword toward the secular world, because Jesus Himself says the law is not for the unbelievers, but for the believers. And even then, He is exactly precise in how we deal with eachother as believers speaking into the lives of other believers. We are to love the world. There is not some other formula.
Where there is truth and light and law and justice and sin and forgiveness, I trust Him to reconcile these things in me. There ain’t nothing you can say to change my heart of issues, only He can do that work, if it is my heart that needs changing. And so it is, I will trust the inner reconciliation to occur in my civic insight and responsibility. I love people. I am deeply interested in the stories of people. In the struggles and victories. In the babies born and the babies lost. In the fight for marriages surviving it all. In the freedom from hell on earth that a very dangerous and abusive marriage can be. In the people different than me and in the people I share a common ground. But one thing is certain and it may just be hereditary, I am profoundly skeptical of the character of another when the supposition is such that they believe they have “the right answer” for themselves or for me. Or anyone that believes they know enough about anyone else on earth to make a completely sound judgement. Everyone has a story you don’t know about. We have all overcome something to get to today.
My 2017 hope is that I would gain wisdom and discernment through the synthesis of my own intelligence and skads of resources and a personal connection to a living Wisdom and perfect Grace right here on earth. Probably what won’t happen is any improvement to my grammar or spelling. That will be 2018.